"You're Killing Me Smalls": When You're Better Off Doing It Yourself

Have you ever stood by, watching someone struggle through something you already know how to do, and felt your patience slipping away?
Maybe they’re moving too slow.
Maybe they’re making a mess of it.
Maybe they’re not doing it the way you would do it.

And every fiber of your being is screaming, Just let me do it!

I’ve spent most of my life operating under the belief that if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. It felt like the most efficient way to get things done—no waiting, no frustration, just action. And in many ways, it worked.

But over time, I realized this mindset had a cost.

When we constantly step in, take over, and “fix” things, we don’t just keep others from growing—we also keep ourselves trapped in an endless cycle of over-responsibility, exhaustion, and even resentment.

In this week's episode, I discuss the hidden cost of always doing things ourselves, why we struggle to let go, and how stepping back—even when it drives us mad—can lead to more freedom for everyone involved.

Why Watching Others Struggle Feels Impossible

Let’s be honest—watching someone struggle through something we’ve already mastered can feel like torture.
🔹 We see the mistakes before they happen.
🔹 We know the shortcuts that would make it easier.
🔹 We have the skills and experience to get it done right now.

And yet, we’re supposed to sit there and watch?!

But here’s the thing: every time we take over, we send a message—whether we mean to or not.
     We’re telling them: "I don’t trust you to figure this out."
     We’re telling ourselves: "It’s easier if I just do it."

While that may feel true at the moment, it keeps both of us from growing in the long run.

Because the truth is, struggling is part of learning.

We had to struggle once, too. We had to mess up, take too long, fail, and learn. And if someone had always stepped in for us, we never would have developed the skills and confidence we have now.

Carrying Burdens That Aren’t Ours

Beyond the frustration of watching others struggle, many of us take on things that aren’t ours to carry.

You know the saying, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.”

Well, what happens when God gives you just what you can handle…
But then you go and pick up everyone else’s burdens on top of your own?

How often have you found yourself handling someone else’s responsibilities simply because it’s easier than waiting for them to do it?
How often have you felt drained—not just by your own life, but by carrying the emotional, mental, and even physical weight of what other people should be handling?

We tell ourselves we’re helping. We tell ourselves it’s just temporary. But little by little, we find ourselves buried under responsibilities that were never meant for us.

And then we wonder why we feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and maybe even a little resentful.

Practical Steps: Letting Go of What’s Not Yours

📌 Pause & Assess: Ask yourself, Is this mine to carry?
📌 Check Intentions: Am I helping out of kindness, or am I stepping in because I don’t trust them to do it?
📌 Create Boundaries: Decide what’s yours and what’s not, and practice saying no when necessary.
📌 Trust the Process: Allow others to struggle through their own learning without rescuing them.

Letting Go

Letting go is one of the hardest things I’ve had to learn—because, at its core, it’s about trust.

🔹 Trusting that others will figure it out.
🔹 Trusting that their process, though different from mine, is still valid.
🔹 Trusting that I don’t have to carry everything and everyone.

We don’t have control over other people—their choices, will, and motivation. But we do have control over ourselves—over what we choose to carry, over what we choose to step back from, and over how we decide to let things unfold.

And that? That’s where freedom begins.

Reflection: Where Are You Over-Carrying?

This week, I want you to take a moment and ask yourself:

✔️ Where in my life am I carrying something that isn’t mine?
✔️ Where am I stepping in when I should be stepping back?
✔️ How can I set a boundary and trust the process?

Because here’s what I know:

🌟 When we step back, we free ourselves from unnecessary burdens.
🌟 And we give others the opportunity to step up, to learn, to grow.

So take a deep breath.
Pull up a chair.
And marvel at the process—both theirs and yours.

Key Takeaways

🔹 Struggle is part of learning – When we constantly step in, we rob others of the chance to build confidence and capability.

🔹 Not everything is ours to carry – Just because we can take something on doesn’t mean we should. Asking, “Is this mine?” can save us from unnecessary exhaustion.

🔹 Letting go requires trust – Trusting others to figure things out (even if it’s messy) allows both them and us to grow.

🔹 Boundaries are essential for freedom – Learning to say no, to step back, and to let go of what isn’t ours to control is a powerful step toward living free.

🔹 The way we’ve always done it isn’t the only way – Just because we know the best way for us doesn’t mean it’s the best way for everyone. Growth happens in different ways for different people.

Final Thoughts

Watching others struggle—whether with a simple task or with life itself—can drive us mad. But we, too, were once in their shoes.

Extending patience, grace, and trust allows both them and us to move forward in a way that leads to true freedom.