Don’t Poke the Bear: When Tolerance Runs Out

The Breaking Point: Why We Snap

We like to think of ourselves as patient people. We try to let things go, extend grace, and maintain our cool. But when we’ve been poked one too many times? That’s when things shift.

In this episode, I dive into what happens when our tolerance runs out, why we get blamed when we finally snap, and how we can set better boundaries to prevent frustration from boiling over.

Why Tolerance Isn't a Fixed State

Some days, you can handle anything. Other days, one small thing can push you over the edge.

Your patience isn’t infinite, and that’s okay.

Factors that affect our tolerance:

• Stress Levels – When mentally drained, even small annoyances feel huge.
• Emotional Exhaustion – Carrying too much? Your patience will wear thin faster.
• Repetitive Behavior – Your tolerance drops if someone keeps pushing the same button.

Your limits aren’t wrong—they’re human. And the more we understand them, the better we can manage our reactions.

Why People Only See the Blow-Up

We’ve all been there. You hold it in. You let it go. You stay quiet.
And then—one final push—and BOOM.
Now you’re the bad guy.

Why? Because people only see the reaction, not the restraint that came before it.

What people don’t realize:

• You tolerated it 99 times before you snapped.
• You tried to let it go, but they kept going.
• Your boundaries were ignored—until they weren’t.

And yet, when you finally react? The script flips.

 "Whoa, calm down!" 

"Geez, it’s not that serious!"

 "I was just joking!"

But here’s the truth: Just because someone doesn’t understand your reaction doesn’t mean your response wasn’t valid. 

Practical Steps: How to Handle Being Poked Without Snapping

1️⃣ Recognize the Early Signs.
Notice when frustration is creeping in. Check in with yourself. If your patience is running low, it’s okay to acknowledge it.

2️⃣ Set a Boundary—Out Loud.
Instead of waiting until you explode, let others know when you’re at capacity:
🚫 “Hey, I need you to stop.”
🚫 “Now’s not a good time for this.”
🚫 “I don’t have the patience for this right now.”

3️⃣ Remove Yourself if Needed.
If nothing else works, always know that if you can’t engage without snapping, you should walk away. Removing ourselves from a potentially unwelcome situation is 100% our choice and a viable option.

4️⃣Show Yourself Grace

When we feel overwhelmed or beyond our limits, we often feel guilty, like we should be able to handle everything. But instead of beating yourself up for it, can you look back and see all the moments of patience that came before it? Acknowledging the things you have already given and handled can make way for acceptance of ourselves when we aren’t feeling our best.

Reflection: 

Take a moment to reflect:

•   What situations or people tend to push your limits the most?
   When you feel yourself reaching your limit, do you give yourself permission to step back, or do you force yourself to push through?
•  How often do you ignore your own needs in an effort to "keep the peace"?
•  What’s one small action you can take this week to communicate your limits before frustration builds up?

When we take small steps to communicate our limits, we’re not just preventing frustration—we’re setting a standard.

Key Takeaways

🔹 Tolerance isn’t fixed—it shifts based on stress, emotions, and energy.
🔹 People remember the moment you snap, not the 99 times you let it slide.
🔹 Setting limits early prevents blow-ups and protects your peace.
🔹 You don’t have to justify your boundaries—what you tolerate teaches people how to treat you.

Final Thoughts

Reaching our limit is never fun; pulling back from it can be tough. But the more we understand our tolerance, the more we can set boundaries before we reach the breaking point.

🎧 Listen now and take back control of your peace!